Birch Counseling

Samurai Mind Training for Modern American Warriors

Over the years, meditation has become a big part of the therapist community; not so much in the general public much less military community. But meditation allows for much better focus, skill, and productivity. For this reason I suggest meditation for everyone, especially those needing to regain focus and reduce anxiety.

Samurai Mind Training for Modern American Warriors.

The Defense Department is hoping to use meditation techniques — and the mystique of Japan\'s legendary swordsmen — to toughen U.S. troops

The NFL's Ricky Williams battles with social anxiety in holistic medicine and spirituality

Page 2 — NFL - Ricky Williams Signs Contract Extension — BetUS Locker Room

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Lack of Sun May Dim Depressed People's Thinking - ABC News

Lack of Sun May Dim Depressed People's Thinking - ABC News

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The Question of The DAY

If you could bring back a canceled tv series, which would you choose?
Submitted by The Good Girl Gone Blog.

Umm, this is so personal, I don't know if I feel comfortable. Probably I would have to say the X-Files. I know, that is sort of Geeky, but it was so inconsistently good, and funny. And there was that smokin' physical attraction with Mulder and Scully. You cannot beat that.!

These Kids Need Mom and Dad; Even if They Are Not Together

 

A preschool child’s sense of social and emotional independence is not fully developed. Preschoolers continue to rely on their parents and a secure home base to feel safe. At this stage, children need nurturing from both parents — they are beginning to develop a relationship with their father that is different from the one with their mother. Children experience a significant loss when one parent is less involved in their lives. Not only will they often miss that parent’s presence and affection, but some of their physical and emotional needs may not be met. They often have overwhelming fears that both parents will leave them. As with infants and toddlers, preschoolers need lots of visits with the parent who has moved away. Parents need to keep this in mind when they develop their parenting plan.

Childhood Abandonment and Long Term Concerns

So many kids have experienced one of their parents leaving, it bears

the full weight of responsibility for many long-term mental health issues.

Abandonment can take many forms: the parent who walks away and

refuses to have any further contact with the child, the absentee parent

who rarely communicates with or sees the children only rarely, and the

parent who slowly drifts out of the child’s life over time.

Children who are abandoned by a parent may face significant

problems. A child who is abandoned often feels an overwhelming sense

of rejection. The thought that one parent no longer loves her, wants her,

or even cares about her is potentially devastating to self-esteem and the

future ability to form healthy, loving relationships. A child who has been

abandoned may develop an intense yearning for the absent parent — a

longing that can interfere with development.

Children who have been abandoned need to be assured that:

• they did nothing to cause the parent to leave
• they are very much loved and lovable
• adults sometimes have a hard time relating to others, and may do the wrong thing as a result.

Most children who have experienced abandonment by a parent will

benefit from relationships with other adults who can serve as role

models and provide them with experiences that would have been shared

with the absent parent.

Maintaining Your Child's Community of Support Through Divorce

 

A child’s community of support provides a place of belonging. This

community includes family, daycare, school and friends — the people

and places they come in contact with, and influence them almost every

day in their young lives.

Grandparents and other members of the extended family are very

important for children, especially if they have already established a close

relationship. If they don’t openly take the side of either parent, relatives

can provide emotional security and be an important influence on

children. Grandparents, aunts and uncles can help children by keeping

in touch, spending time alone with them and assuring them that the

divorce is not their fault. Pre-teens and teenagers, in particular, need

regular contact with their friends, from talking on the telephone to

spending time together at school and social activities.

Teachers and caregivers should be informed if there is a separation

or a change of address. It is particularly important to let teachers

and caregivers know who will be picking up the children and when, and

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who to call in case of a problem or emergency. Teachers and child care

providers are especially significant since they spend so much time with

your children. They can help provide a stable environment and a

consistent routine. They can also help your children understand that

they are not alone and that other children also experience separation

and divorce. Good communication between teachers, caregivers and

parents can help children adjust to the changes that divorce brings to

their lives. They can play an important role by talking to you about any

changes in your child’s behaviour. Often, children do not express

feelings directly, but teachers may notice signs of distress.

Violence in the Home

 

 

 

Separation and divorce can increase the likelihood of violence in the home, even in families where it has not occurred in the past. For women and children leaving an abusive home, the period after separation is often a time when the violence escalates. It is important for victims to find a safe place to stay and to develop a comprehensive plan to help them remain out of danger. A shelter for abused women can help you during this transition period.

For children and youth, violence in the family often has a traumatic effect, causing their behaviorr to change. It is typical for them to be afraid, upset and angry. Even if they seem to be coping well, your children need extra attention and care.

 

Regardless of their age, children from violent homes are at an increased risk of behavioral and developmental problems. They often suffer from anxiety and depression, and they may exhibit more aggressive, antisocial, inhibited or fearful behaviors. Even if they have not been assaulted themselves, children who are exposed to violence are emotionally abused. They experience similar symptoms to those children who are themselves physically abused.

Children who witness violence in the home often have a persistent fear for their own safety and the safety of brothers, sisters and the battered parent. They may also blame themselves for not being able to stop the violence (for example, by behaving better). For these children, feelings of self-blame, guilt, anger and fears about being different from other children may be more acute. They need help to understand that they did not cause the violence and could not have stopped it. They need to know that it is okay for them to feel angry and sad about losses that have resulted from the violence. There are several things you can do to help your children deal with family violence: 

• assure them that you love them; 
• tell them as much as you can without name calling; 
• listen to their feelings, assure them that these feelings are okay, and share some of your own feelings; 
• don’t be afraid to set limits in a firm, loving manner; 
• take a little time every day to have some fun with them; 
• encourage them to have friends and activities as soon as you resettle; 
• let them be dependent — they need to be able to depend on you; 
• be clear with them that no one deserves to be abused, and that violence of any kind is not acceptable; and 
• let them know that you also have needs to have friends and to spend some time alone.

All parents should become familiar with signs of child abuse. Parents should seek help if their children have been abused or if they suspect abuse. Contact the local child welfare agency or seek advice at a family resource center. Even if children have not themselves been assaulted, children exposed to violence in the family may need help. Counseling and support for you and your children can help all of you deal with this difficult situation. You can find a comprehensive list of services at 211.org on the internet and if you call 211 from a telephone. 

Remember that you have made positive choices for you and your children.

Credit yourself for your courage and strength.

Helping Teens And Tweens Understand Your Divorce

Children of this age have a growing ability to understand human problems. At the same time, they are becoming their own person. Developmentally, pre-teens and teenagers are going through a lot of change. They experience conflicting emotions and needs — sometimes torn between wanting independence and protection, freedom and guidance, love and detachment. Whereas younger children typically view divorce as the enemy, pre-teens and teenagers tend to hold their parents accountable for the divorce. They will most likely react to their parents’ news of separation with anger, and older teenagers may wonder about their own capacity to build good relationships.

It’s important to be aware that the emotional experience of anger is common to all children, just as it is to adults. But children, pre-teens and teenagers express it differently. As a basic human feeling, the experience of pain is at the heart of anger.

Taking Care of You is Taking Care of Your Family

When you ride in an airplane with your child the steward tells you appropriate self-care procedures: When the oxygen masks decend, the parent is to take oxygen before they help the child. This is to avoid improper self-care and a failure of the parent-child relationship. Reaching out for support for your personal needs during separation and divorce will make you better able to respond to the needs of your children. Knowing more about how children, at each stage and age of development, experience separation and divorce will help too. The next section describes some of the feelings children and youth commonly experience as their parents divorce, and how you can help them adapt to the changes involved and move forward in their growth and development